The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things

 “Who can discern his errors?  Cleanse me from hidden faults.  Keep your servant from presumptuous sins, let them not rule over me.” Psalm 19:12-13

As previously lamented, this place is exposing our core dysfunction(s) – and it isn’t pretty.  This notion of Grace – a covering for the fallen, has a lot of appeal these days.  Even the introspection (narcissism) is becoming less interesting – a joke really, as if digging for gold in a potted plant.  There is nothing to find except the “desire to find” itself.  Scratching that itch (since most everything else has been tried) seems to be God’s exclusive domain.  God Himself…and where is He?  And what is required in return for the joy of His presence?  These are the questions. 

I either imagine it or God is asking, “Why are you here?”

Er, to serve Jesus.  Ideally, actually see Him or a miracle or something…I want this water that quenches all thirst.  I want rest.  I want to be “good.” I want to have that mountaintop experience.

 “The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart.”  Proverbs 17:3

“Okay, we both know I won’t do so well on such a test – so let’s skip it, ok?”

“May you know God and serve Him with a whole heart and with a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every motive behind the thoughts.  If you seek Him, He will be found by you.” 1 Chronicles 28:9

Well, one thing you can discover when you set out to do “good,” is that often it is not only about “serving God” but about, embarrassingly enough, serving yourself – either for the accolades (if such a thing energizes you), or your own sense of self satisfaction that you are “making a difference.”  The motives of our hearts hide all the time – the smarter we are, the more deceitful we can be…as if we could outwit God. 

Jim Plews-Ogan had sent this along with the Olivet letters.  It is an excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s book “The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom”

 “Giving yourself to others without expecting anything in return is only possible is only possible when you have fully received.  Every time you discover you expect something in return for what you have giving or are disappointed when nothing comes back to you, you are being made aware that you yourself are not yet fully received.  Only when you know yourself as unconditionally loved – that is fully received - by God, can you give gratuitously.  Giving without wanting anything in return is trusting that all your needs will be provided for by the One who loves you unconditionally.  It is trusting that you do not need to protect your own security but can give yourself completely to the service of others.

Faith is precisely trusting that you who gives gratuitously will receive gratuitously, but not necessarily from the person to whom you gave.  The danger is in pouring yourself out to others in the hope that they will fully receive you.  You will soon feel as if others are walking away with parts of you.  You cannot give yourself to others if you do not own yourself, and you can only truly own yourself when you have been fully received in unconditional love.

A lot of giving and receiving has a violent quality because the givers and receivers act more out of need than out of trust.  What looks like generosity is actually manipulation and what looks like love is really a cry for affection or support.  When you know yourself as fully loved, you will be able to give according to the other’s capacity to receive, and you will be able to receive according to others capacity to give.  You will be grateful to what is given without clinging to it, and joyfully for what you can give without bragging about it.  You will be a free person, free to love.”

I learned this before, but like a dandelion, it keeps growing back. As the hymn goes, “lay your deadly doing down; Down at Jesus' feet. And stand in Him, in Him alone, wondrously complete."

Jesus said, “Come unto me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

God said, “Be still, and know that I am God.”